Hot for Preacher — The issue of lust in the church.


To be honest, this seems to get a lot more attention as a man’s sin. Men – with their visual-driven minds – are warned against the danger of this sin repeatedly. And we know lust exists in the church. Perhaps you’ve seen the articles and blog posts urging women to dress modestly so as not to tempt their brothers in Christ.

But today I’ll let you in on a secret. Women struggle with this sin, too. Even in the church, though perhaps not as you expect.

Theocrush – the unofficial term to describe the attraction women develop for a theologian.

I know, my husband thought it sounded crazy, too. (And yes, that led to somewhat of an awkward conversation).

A “crush” may seem like a blast from your grade school past, but a quick look at grown women swooning over Ryan Gosling or Brad Pitt, and you’ll realize these are quite real for adults. Remember all that hubbub over the horrible movie, Magic Mike? Yeah. You get my point.

But how do we get from a movie star to a pastor?

Not Limited to the Pulpit

With the increase of social media we are no longer limited to the pastor preaching to us on Sunday mornings. We have access to pastors around the country and the world. We can watch them on video. We can hear them on podcasts. We can chat with them, ask questions, get answers and guidance.

While there are most certainly downsides to this, most have found this to be a blessing. When we don’t want to bombard our pastor with a ton of questions, we have a slew of other clergy available to help.

None of us believe pastors seek celebrity-status — at least not in the Lutheran church — and none of us want to bestow celebrity-status upon a pastor. Yet this status may not have much to do with intent of either the pastor or the laity. It simply happens. We tell ourselves “He’s just a pastor, just a sinner, no different, no better than I”, yet then we may find ourselves giddy if they take the time to answer a question or reply to an email.

Not All About Looks

Now before you all take this post to insist pastors should let themselves go and look like slobs — as if your wives would let you leave the house like that anyway — I must point out it’s not all about appearance.

Yes, my husband also wondered how one could find the vestments attractive.

What attracts women, though? A chiseled jaw, six-pack abs, and a dashing smile? Maybe for some. But for many it’s confidence and intelligence. It’s leadership and strength. It’s conviction and fortitude. It’s steadfastness and security.

And who best displays these qualities – or at least should – than pastors.

Add some nerdy cuteness, and some women stand no chance.

What’s the Big Deal?

Our society may respond to this with “what’s the problem?” In a culture where we’re raised with encouragement to plaster our walls and computer screens with images of hot celebrities, it can be easy to brush this aside as harmless. But we in the church should know better.

Beyond the obvious issues of potential idolatry of the pastor or being so distracted by attraction we don’t hear the Word being spoken, I see the biggest danger for married women, replacing their husbands with the pastor.

We need our husbands to be taught and encouraged to be that strong spiritual headship in our families. We need our husbands to be helped through any theological insecurities they may struggle with so they can be the confident spiritual leader in our marriage.

And then we women need to let them lead us.

It is wonderful that we can turn to pastors in our churches and online with our questions, but I see this exacerbating a disconnect in marriages. We may often bypass our husbands to go straight to our pastors, denying them the chance to lead us in faith. We may unknowingly cut our husbands out of our spiritual life, rather than letting them take the reins.

What Now?

Pastors — thank you for all you do, for all the time you invest, and please don’t let this deter you from continuing to minister to women directly. Please continue to build up the men in your congregations, helping husbands and fathers to be the confident leaders we need.

Men — step it up and own your role. If you’re doing this, awesome – keep it up. If you know you’re slacking, stop, and seek guidance. Your pastors are there to help you.

Fellow women — continue to ask questions of your pastors, don’t let this keep you from letting them minister to you. If you are married, support your husband as your family’s leader in faith. But don’t listen to the world that tells you this is “normal” and therefore “okay”. Lust is sin, even in the form of a minor crush. Repent. Be forgiven. And repeat as necessary.

I must note no scientific polling was done to determine how great an issue this is for our sisters in Christ. I simply based this upon what friends have discussed and confessed to me, and what I, myself, have experienced.

Vanessa is an Army National Guard Wife and working mom of two kids. She writes about faith at Hearts On Guard, where she encourages readers to know what they believe and why. She is currently editing her first novel about a military wife’s battle to survive mysticism, and her husband’s struggle to save her faith while deployed.


Hot for Preacher — The issue of lust in the church. — 32 Comments

  1. A pastor has a duty to maintain a proper role in his dealings with female parishioners. Any “relationship” that develops is the fault of the pastor because he holds an unequal power over those he ministers to. I think what this post suggests is harmful, because of the imbalance of power that exists between a pastor and any female congregant he is responsible for. Even if it does happen that she is the one who is attracted to the pastor, it is HIS responsibility to make sure the relationship is a safe and proper one. If the relationship becomes sexual in any way, it is not an affair, it is Clergy Sexual Abuse or Misconduct, and in many states, it is also a felony or at least a misdemeanor. See The situation is no different than that between a counselor and counselee, a doctor and patient, or a teacher and student. See Vanessa I feel you are doing a great disservice by comparing this abuse to a sexual seduction by a female congregant.
    A good example given to us is the situation between David and Bathsheba. David was at fault for having sex with Bathsheba and thankfully he readily admitted his guilt after being confronted by Nathan. A pastor blaming a woman for his sin is the same thing. Movies such as those you mention glamorize the pastor who should be in a position of responsibility, when the truth is, they are at fault. A similar shifting of blame to the woman involved is like the tendency of many to blame a woman for rape. When a woman becomes involved sexually with her pastor, it is never an affair, it is abuse. Even if the rare situation that a woman is, as the title suggests, “hot for preacher” it is still the job of the preacher to refuse what he may see as advances because he is her trusted under-shepherd.
    Please take a look at several very good sites that educate and help victim/survivors of this abuse:

  2. I am at a total loss here to understand how the movie Magic Mike could, IN ANY WAY, be understood to glamorize the role of a male pastor who might be contemplating an affair with a woman in his congregation. Wow… I must’ve COMPLETELY misunderstood the metaphorical content of this film, when I opted not to see it. Drat. I hate it when that happens.

    However, all film-related discussion aside, I’m not sure that my having a theocrush (GREAT word…just…great) on my pastor can, in any way, be the equivalent of his leading me into an affair. In fact, I’ll venture to say that most male pastors aren’t even aware of their female parishioner’s theocrushes.

    I’m not saying I disagree with the statements Ms. Harris is making in the above comment. I’m just saying I’m not sure that this is the direction in which Vanessa is headed.

    I’ve definitely had a theocrush on at least one of my pastors. He was either blissfully unaware of it, or so well-schooled in managing this sort of this that I certainly never got the impression that he treated me any differently, regardless of his knowledge (or the lack thereof).

    I can see this being a problem. Definitely a problem. I think it doesn’t help when there are a great many women who are theologically … uh … understimulated. Here’s this smart guy, maybe even cute, sort of on the geeky side… Absolutely. What’s not to love about a man who understands the meaning of the word soteriology?

    Maybe that’s just me… Sigh…

  3. Debbie –

    Much of what you say is ok.

    The ultimate implication is not.

    The come-on’s to Pastors is a frightening reality. Elevating the few pastors who might take advantage of the situation over against the EXTREMELY OVERWHELMING many of us who have walked past such stuff and temptation, serves no purpose whatsoever.

    And if “something” happens – are you saying the woman does not sin?

    Geez . . . that posting was just strange.

    Pax 🙂

  4. Jeff – Of course the woman sins in some cases, but it is her pastor who has the responsibility to keep her safe. Yes you are likely correct that the majority of clergy do NOT respond inappropriately, but are you are aware of the devastation that occurs when it DOES happen? The perpetrators are not only RC priests. And when it does, the pastor can and should be legally prosecuted. I do not see that my post was strange. Please do not put my comments down that way. My comments do indeed serve a purpose 🙁 It is a subject that I do not want to see minimized. I wish to see people, especially victims, educated on what can happen and *does* happen. I also wish that pastors would become warned and educated as to their responsibility and to never allow themselves to be flattered by so called “theocrushes”.

  5. JB. You will immediately remove your comment. There is no excuse to mock a victim of rape. Spiritual fathers who abuse the lambs under their care, and those who excuse or defend them, are no better than child molesters. Shame on you.

  6. @Debbie Harris #3
    You are absolutely correct about the responsibility of pastors and imbalance of power that exists between pastor and parishioner. This post however was more talking about “theocrushes” that develop over social media and the internet. While every pastor ought to be especially on guard and aware of his conduct in his parish, if he to chooses to have a presence online he ought to also be aware of the phenomena of what this article describes.

    Let me be clear, I agree that pastors who take advantage of any parishioner should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of both secular and religious laws (including defrocking and imprisonment).

    I do not wish to minimize these points or comments, but they are off topic from the posting. If you would like to see this addressed submit it to the “Ask a Pastor” portion of the site.

    Please reread the original article and see the discussion is largely focused on the relationships that can form and exist over the internet.

  7. Jason –

    Did Norm suddenly put you in charge of this site?

    No. You are way out of bounds! And you are giving rape a new definition, as you accuse me of, well – exactly what? Take your attitude and use it on someone else! And when God puts YOU in charge of me, I might pay attention. I am not responsible for those miniscule few who might transgress, and for you to imply I am, or to place shame upon me for words that I never said, puts your own soul in danger, sir. I mocked no one. You have NO offense to take! Although I do not expect it, I will accept your apology if proffered.

    Debbie – there is, in our present post-christian society, a propensity to accusations – a miniscule amount deserved, the incredible majority – NOT.

    This phenomenon happens in every profession. Since the extremely overwhelming number of pastors do not “go there” – who is at fault? I have no dog in this hunt, so to speak.

    Desiring to save victims does not mean negatively leveling the most honorable of professions. The individual in whatever action is responsible – be they a weird-collared-type . . . or a woman of the flock. Considering pastors are about 87th on the top 50 list of professions, and paid the least, we are hardly “a catch.”

    I understand what you mean, but the numbers do not justify, in any way, the supposed accusations. In such a case, the woman, like the pastor, always sins – there is no exclusionary clause to sin. Both sin. Both.

    But the issue is the “issue.” I’ve never known, in almost 30 years, one such circumstance. I’ve heard of this, or that, usually rumors perpetrated by those with an agenda. Sad.

    Bottom line – were BOTH husbands and wives, whether hubby wears a strange collar or not, to honor their marital commitment, this would all be moot point. I do not deny their might be a shark in a collar out there; nor do I deny there might be a vixen within the flock. But the occasions are miniscule, if not less. For my part – I can spot them a mile away, and keep that very same distance! I love Sweet Mama Lou way too much!

    Debbie – I did not mean what you said was “strange.” I question why this entire matter has been raised.

    Peace be to all this Blessed season – God took on flesh, and dwelt among us.


  8. A minor clarification needs to be made, at least on my part.

    As someone who has been involved in music ministry for many years, in more than one denomination, I can say with confidence that this happens across the board, regardless of denomination, regardless of martial status.

    And it’s not just a social media or internet phenomenon. I can see that happening, but it’s just as likely to occur during a Bible study or choir practice.

    I can see that things COULD rapidly develop into gross misconduct, given the right set of circumstances. However, I never once imagined, considered, or even intended for what was, on my part, some ridiculous mooning around that lasted about two weeks — or even less — until I came to my senses and put an immediate halt to my own mental meanderings, to develop into any kind of relationship. It was all just nonsense.

    I’m not so naïve that I can’t recognize lust. My experience of a theocrush never involved any lustfulness. That’s almost horrifying.

  9. I am one such victim and know of many, many more – some even within the LCMS. I can name some names and post some posts but do not choose to do so. The numbers may be relatively small but they are there. Believe me, it *does* happen within the LCMS and all denominations. As for Jason, of course he is my son and lived through the hell of what a trusted shepherd did to his me and multiple others. The trauma to Jason was terrible, but has made him a better and more educated pastor. Jeff, you did indeed mock me IMO. Your comments to Jason were snarky and defensive.
    I do think my comments relate to the original topic because they minimize what can and does happen when a clergyman perceives someone having a “crush” on him. My comments were raised and do very much relate to the topic, even if this is not what the author intended – I believe she was well intentioned but probably unaware of the potential harm of this so called “Theocrush”. For her to feel this way is normal. We admire, love and trust those who shepherd us.
    In the report of David and Bathsheba – do you claim that Bathsheba sinned? Was she supposed to refuse the advances and probable rape of her absent husband’s boss? Do you want to take THAT one on? Should she be blamed for immodesty when bathing? It is no different when a clergyman assaults someone who trusts him. Even if she did sin, she had the same forgiveness that was offered to David.
    Since my assault I have learned just how often it happens and how the institution tries to keep us quiet and how women are very often treated as a seductress. In my case the abuser was defrocked. I am not “negatively leveling one of the most honorable professions”, I am stating facts based on experience. It happens in all denominations. I feel this post was a good place to advocate for the women who are harmed and if it helps one woman to get help I am glad to raise the topic that begins with what may be thought of as “hot for preacher”. There may well be Jezebels in the congregation but even so, if the pastor gives in, he is still to blame.
    So Jeff, perhaps you can back off on Jason as he absolutely knows more than I wish about the reality of what an admired and trusted member of the clergy can do and how the congregation can choose to blame the victim.
    My comments were raised and do very much relate to the topic, even if this is not what the author intended – I believe she was well intentioned but probably unaware of of just how devastating it is when a shepherd does prey on a lamb. Thankfully God takes this extremely seriously so no need to get defensive of your calling! The numbers of victims you claim are so small matter to Him! Those men who offend cast great harm on what is indeed an honorable profession, I agree with you on that. But it does not help to pretend that it does not happen or that the numbers are too miniscule to matter 🙁

  10. @Debbie Harris #13
    In my judgment as the BJS Associate Editor and moderator your comments do not relate. Having been a part of editing and knowing the author’s intent for this article an example of the secular world may help. The author is talking in the way like those women who become attracted to/have crushes on celebrities who may never actually meet or know that they exist. This is NOT about a pastor abusing his parishioners, which is obviously sinful, wrong, and the pastor’s fault (and those who cover it up if that happens).

  11. @Pastor Joshua Scheer #8 I believe my comments are valid and do relate to the topic. My perp used the internet and that is how the “relationship” formed in his mind and how he began most of his preying and grooming of me. I loved and admired him but lust never entered my mind. Like Cynthia above, that idea is almost too horrifying to imagine. I have learned from many years of advocate work since my ordeal, from other victims, that their grooming was also often carried out through emails. After my assault, he even used emails to beg me to protect him and not report him.
    If you don’t like the way this topic is going, then take it down, but I believe it relates and is important.

  12. I would encourage everyone to respond to the article above having a lot to do with social media and internet interactions. If such an internet interaction leads to abusive behavior it is very much conduct unbecoming a pastor and the man should be called to account by all the necessary authorities.

  13. Sorry, I re-read this article and DID NOT think it was just about social media and internet interactions. The “asking questions of online pastors” was brought up briefly, but the article continued to talk about “your pastor.”

    I pray daily for my pastor to have a good and satisfying marriage – also pray that for a handful of pastors that I know, and pray it for the families in my congregation. We live in a sinful world; sin is all around us. While this topic is certainly one that brings out many emotions, it’s best to be aware and on-guard of the sin.

  14. J. Dean :
    Great… now I have Van Halen going through my head….

    Van who? 🙂

    A great and thought provoking article.

    At the risk of going all “fundamentalist” on everyone, I believe that the best defence against these sort of problems is to have a faithful and loving wife with whom we work diligently to build a sound marriage. Remember guys and gals, if our marriage is Biblically founded, love for our spouse is not an option, it goes with the territory.

  15. A big thank you to Pastor Scheer for clarifying the message here, and I do apologize for any ambiguity in my writing. With the references to celebrities and the points about social media, the concept of “theocrushes” (a term coined by friends who discussed this issue with me) is mainly focused on the pastor we may interact with online or follow on social media who has no idea when we might cross that line from simple admiration to a celebrity-style crush. My point with this article was to remind women that these celebrity-style crushes are not okay, though the world tells us they are, and when they are for a pastor, it can be a danger for a marriage. Or as one friend mentioned to me elsewhere, for a single woman in the congregation they may find themselves clinging to a pastor, as he may be their only source for theological answers.

    Yes, I do mention talking to “your pastor”. I didn’t want the warning against these infatuations to keep people from talking to their actual pastor. I think people have a tendency, when warned about something, to take it to the far extreme, and I didn’t want that. I also didn’t want pastors feeling that they needed to put their guard up completely and avoid interactions with females in the social media networks. Simply speaking, my goal was to help us all be aware that this is a real “thing”, even if it seems minor and harmless. I realize this may not be a common issue for most in the church, but as the younger generations of Christians is interacting with pastors online and seeking them out online, it may become a bigger issue for the younger women of our congregations.

    One last note – for this article I was speaking not necessarily to sexual desire, but to infatuation, admiration, or focus on a relationship outside the marriage by the female laity for a pastor.

  16. Pastors — thank you for all you do, for all the time you invest, and please don’t let this deter you from continuing to minister to women directly. Please continue to build up the men in your congregations, helping husbands and fathers to be the confident leaders we need.

    Pastor Scheer,
    I don’t know where you thought the author was going but she ended in the local congregation. So the response was predictable, IMO, even if you didn’t expect it.

    @jb #9
    Considering pastors are about 87th on the top 50 list of professions, and paid the least, we are hardly “a catch.”

    Did anyone else find this comment mildly humorous? 😉
    The author is not writing about designs on your wallet, Pastor.

    Harmless crushes (harmless because not acted upon) probably occur more often than anyone admits (but less often than the gossips would have you believe).

    The occasional rogue is present in all professions. A “helping” profession …pastor, teacher, counselor, etc. may provide more opportunity and do more damage because our training is to trust these people.

    @Vanessa #19
    Thanks for the revision while I was writing. I find it hard to believe that pastors are a significant portion of internet fantasyland; your point that such distractions from real life may be damaging is well taken.

    (The more usual warning is against predators on the net who may turn up in real life.)

  17. @helen #20
    Helen – yes, while I don’t think this is a widespread issue, I do see more and more pastors venturing online, starting podcasts, doing videos, becoming actively involved on twitter and facebook, and so I think the potential for this to happen is certainly there. Just because it doesn’t happen often, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be aware of it.

    While my main focus was intended to be on the social media aspect, I do touch on the fact that an attractive pastor in the pulpit can be distracting to the Word for some. Some friends have expressed that they could not attend a church where they were attracted to the pastor, because they would not be able to focus. And I think this has little to do with how strong a marriage is. Yes, a strong marriage may keep us from acting on anything, but a strong marriage does not deter the sin of a lustful and wandering eye. Some women, like men, are quite visually-minded, and for them, like men, it can be difficult to ignore regardless of how healthy and strong their marriage is. Will they act on that lustful thought? Unlikely. But it doesn’t make that lustful thought any less a sin, and we need to stop listening to the world that tells us otherwise.

  18. “Some friends have expressed that they could not attend where they were attracted to the pastor, because they would not be able to focus.”

    This bespeaks a larger problem: one of a lack of self-control. If I were to isolate myself from every situation where I found myself attracted to someone, well… I may as well just stay home. That is NOT the answer.

    The issue of self-control is at the heart of this problem, and a great many others prevalent in our culture, to my thinking. We are constantly, especially in the media, to believe every random thought is worth exploring, indulging in, and even satisfying. Nothing is exempt.

    Far from what the surrounding culture would have us believe, guarding our hearts and minds is not at all the same as being repressed. It is certainly possible to avoid what Catholics used to call “the near occasions of sin” without simultaneously becoming a pinch-faced prude who is incapable of a healthy engagement with life.

  19. @Cynthia Schrage #22
    You are right. The answer is NOT to isolate, but to be aware of our own propensities toward sin rather than brushing them off as “okay” because society tells us they’re normal. Everyone must examine themselves – some know their lack of self control as one former coworker of mine said, she knew she wouldn’t be able to concentrate with an attractive pastor. For others, it’s not really an issue and doesn’t hinder them. I don’t think we should fault anyone who knows their weaknesses well enough to not put themselves in a position where they will be more tempted.

  20. @jb #24

    I just didn’t think it had much to do with the author’s point.
    Forgive me for trying to find a smile in the midst of a topic that, I think, turned out to be heavier than the moderator anticipated.

  21. Vanessa:
    an attractive pastor in the pulpit can be distracting to the Word for some. Some friends have expressed that they could not attend a church where they were attracted to the pastor, because they would not be able to focus.

    Tell your friends it’s OK, they can come, I’ll try not to look at them directly.

  22. “I got a letter from a woman I’ve never met. She sent me a note, at one point, because she had seen an interview of mine on TV. Her note was really sweet. It was basically, “I’ve lost my faith. I walked away from my faith a long time ago. I’m, sort of, in a state of despair. I saw the interview and it’s the first time I’ve had some measure of hope because you were talking about Grace.”

    So, I sent her a book. I sent her a copy of “One Way Love.” We’ve been corresponding via email. And it’s been really, really inspiring to see how God’s been working on her. Single mother of 3 children.

    She sent me this note two Sundays ago. “I’ve been struggling with my faith for many years. And now I think I understand why. I was raised to believe that the more you do the more you’re worth. That the better you behave, the more you’re loved. From my parents to my husband to God. I was confused and exhausted. In my world, perfection was the only option. We all know that is a losing proposition. I ran away from them all. I just wanted to be happy. And feel loved, just because I existed.”

    Somewhere along the way, she heard from both the world and the church that the primary message of Christianity was “do.” She was honest enough to admit, “I can’t do it. I have been bowing to this pressure to perform – to justify myself – to become someone worthy of love before I get love. I ran away.” Pastor Tullian Tchividjian, Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church, “Hero of the Faith” Pt 11

    There is much good that can be done through the means of electronic media. Pastors should not be afraid of it. I think, for them, it is actually somewhat of a time-saver. It is quicker to read and respond to an email then it is to meet someone in person. It is also easier to communicate more clearly most often.

    One draw back with media exchange – it is not a good substitute, in my opinion, for true confession/absolution done with a Pastor in person. Some pastors aren’t practicing personal c/a, encouraging it, or don’t feel the confidence “in Christ’s stead,” to offer it. When, this is often what someone really needs, forgiveness pronounced to them.

    Electronic media is no worse than any other communication down through all of history in terms of sin getting involved. As Cynthia said, it is a matter of self-control. And both parties need to practice it. But, primarily, the pastor – if he senses something is wrong – needs to manage the situation, pastorally still. Without avoidance or condemnation being portrayed for the woman.

    King David was not deposed from his office because of his sin. Through repentance he was forgiven and restored. Consequences followed him, yes. But he was not forsaken or cast away from God. That is what forgiveness can mean for everyone.

    If a pastor needs to use media for some counseling situations – use it. Sin can crop up in the use of media. It can be dealt with. We should not avoid its use from fear, I do not believe.

    In my reading, the biggest problem Vanessa seemed to express was that women need to develop their marriages with their husbands to the extent that the husband is being the spiritual head to her. And that this would circumvent the problem of lust. This would be great if at all possible. But her husband cannot really be the same to her as her pastor in “Christ’s stead.” The pastor is still the shepherd over all with unique functions in that role for his parishoners.

  23. @Abby #28
    I didn’t mean to imply that letting our husbands lead would circumvent the sin at all, and certainly the husband isn’t a substitute for the pastor, as he cannot deliver the sacraments and other unique functions as you state. But all too often, I think we are bypassing our husbands to help guide us in our faith, and I have heard many friends of mine express concern that their husbands aren’t owning their role as leader of the family on faith matters. The husband is to teach and lead the wife and the kids, and when this is not done, it can lead wives to seek their pastors instead. While it’s not bad to seek the pastor – and it certainly is encouraged, as I wrote – we shouldn’t cut our husbands out completely. Perhaps a look at the role of husband may be a good topic for a future post… 😉

  24. I agree with you — ” our husbands to help guide us in our faith.” Unfortunately I have not seen a lot of husbands capable (?) to do that. I see many more women who are functioning as spiritual heads of the house — not because they want to — but by default. Which is why marrying someone of faith is good criteria to begin with.

    “I have heard many friends of mine express concern that their husbands aren’t owning their role as leader of the family on faith matters”

    Maybe the pastor spends more time with the men — leading, teaching, encouraging? The men being willing . . .

    I didn’t mean to give the impression that I did not agree with the points of your post. It was a good message we need to hear.

    “may be a good topic for a future post” — you could call it “What Women Want.” 🙂

  25. One issue in internet pastoring and comparing it to your spouse is that we tend to pick and choose the nice bits out of what the internet chap is saying but do not allow that same grace to the spouse.

    In other words, we take all the good things the chap on the net is saying and then hold those up and compare them to what our spouse says, but we do not edit our spouse’ conversation or, only find the faults and use those as a means of comparison! Totally unfair comparison.

    So whilst we look to the internet person with rose tinted glasses, no such allowance is made for those closest to us.

    (This works both ways with men and women but perhaps on different issues.)

    Thus, in this topic, I see women complaining that their husbands don’t do enough or don’t do it right or shirk their responsibility etc. etc. and to me, the OP sort of touched on this but not quite enough. Good post though!

  26. I must be one of the blissfully unaware or just one who hasen’t seen this as a problem in his parish. The article did remind me of a single friend of mine who lamented about dating while at seminary as a student. He was a good looking guy and occasionally went to the local coffee shops to try to meet girls. He remarked that they would talk with him and inevitably ask him what he did for a living. He would tell them he was in graduate school studying theology. He stated that he typically got a quizical look as they asked for clarification, “You mean geology?” “No,” he would reply, “theology, like to become a pastor some day.” That’s when the knowing “Ohhhhh” would be uttered by the lady and she would politely excuse herself, never to be seen again. (Good news, he did eventually meet a nice girl and got married)

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