We Need Some Levity – Check Out the Mega-Church Fantasy League

(We thank reader Jim Claybourn for passing this on to us.)

Why should fantasy leagues be limited to baseball and football. Now you can draft your own  team of  Mega-Church pastors and track their success.

FW: Invitation to Join the MEGA-CHURCH FANTASY LEAGUE

You have been invited to a fantasy draft party two weeks from now at the First Baptist parsonage.   Join other local pastors for fellowship, laughter, and casserole as we fill out our rosters for the upcoming Mega-Church Fantasy Season!  

I know we have some new faces this year so let me catch everyone up on the rules.   Each participant will select the three high-profile pastors (one from each category: Urban, Suburban, Bi-lingual) he feels will provide the best chance to dominate local churches and crush the competition.  Each week, league members will be paired with an ecclesiastical arch-rival to see whose “posse of pastors” is anointed and whose is culturally irrelevant.    

Points will be awarded each week based on your pastors’ performance in the following categories:

  1. New satellite locations
  2. Weekly book sales on Amazon.com and ChristianBooks.com
  3. Media appearances
  4. Church membership transfers from other local churches (keyword: Assimilation)
  5. Female elders
  6. Commissioning of short term mission teams
  7. Worship band playing secular music before and after the service
  8. Altar calls
  9. References to John and Kate Gosselin and/or recent New York Times articles
  10. Attendance at mid-week ministries

 

Points will be deducted for:

  1. Public scandal
  2. Encouraging personal holiness
  3. Church Staff member burnout
  4. Typographical errors in the bulletin
  5. Backsliding congregants
  6. Tacitly accepting heresy
  7. Failing to podcast sermons
  8. Failing to have a cafeteria, coffee shop, or mezzanine level
  9. Using a microphone with a wire
  10. Affiliating with a denomination

Your roster of pastors will be scored and their combined score will be used to compute your Church Growth Index (a complex formula based on national church averages, random spiritual assessment of congregants, and personal charisma).  The winner of each “Clerical Contest” will see the pew icon next to their team name get a little fuller.   The season will end in April on Palm Sunday.  At that time, the four league members with the most “people” in their “pew” will advance to the playoffs.

Throughout the church playoffs (a.k.a. Holy Week) the four remaining teams will be awarded points for each blog post, candlelight vigil, showing of The Passion, and mass baptism.   The person with the most points at the end of the week will be announced the winner and will be allowed to preach on Easter Sunday.  

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to challenge your peers and learn from the pros while enjoying a bit of God-ordained competition!   Trust me, this isn’t just another men’s breakfast.   This is the Ecumenical Fantasy League, or, as we  like to call it, the XFL.   Start researching your picks now and make sure you’re the last pastor standing!!

Check out this website for more information: http://thetalkingmirror.com/2009/09/fw-invitation-to-join-the-mega-church-fantasy-league/

About Pastor Tim Rossow

Rev. Dr. Timothy Rossow is the Director of Development for Lutherans in Africa. He served Bethany Lutheran Church in Naperville, IL as the Sr. Pastor for 22 years (1994-2016) and was Sr. Pastor of Emmanuel Lutheran in Dearborn, MI prior to that. He is the founder of Brothers of John the Steadfast but handed off the Sr. Editor position to Rev. Joshua Scheer in 2015. He currently resides in Ocean Shores WA with his wife Phyllis. He regularly teaches in Africa. He also paints watercolors, reads philosophy and golfs. He is currently represented in two art galleries in the Pacific Northwest. His M Div is from Concordia, St. Louis and he has an MA in philosophy from St. Louis University and a D Min from Concordia, Fort Wayne.

Comments

We Need Some Levity – Check Out the Mega-Church Fantasy League — 5 Comments

  1. Hey, we could give one for confessionals. Lemme see, what would the scoring look like

    1) Number of times mentioned in Christian News
    2) Articles printed in Steadfast Brothers Wedsite.
    3) Number of posts in this website, Lutherquest and the Wittenberg Trail
    4) The number of “harrumphs” you post in agreement to anyone who rails on Church growth, worship bands and the DOUBLE POINT PLAY – Ablaze
    5) Extra points for pressing charges against another clergy member. Threats count only if the DP talks you out of going through with it.
    6) If you get your congregation to withhold funds from District and/or Synodical missions.
    7) If you congregate, (In Christian Freedom) to the local bar during a district Pastors Conference, IN FULL CLERICAL GARB, to drink in excess – smoke like a chimney and tell off color jokes, loudly.

    Points Deducted
    1) If you get forced out of your congregation by liberal members.
    2) If you get voted out of office at a district or Synodical level
    3) If you are forced to publicly apologize for comments or charges made.

    This could be fun. Sorry I didn’t have more time to flesh oiut the details – but it should be entertaining. We could hold the draft during call night at the Seminaries…

    heh…

  2. I appreciate a challenging fantasy league, but 10 by 10 categories? That’s just crazy talk.

    Is it a head-to-head or rotisserie league? How many teams make the playoffs? Are there waiver rules? Can trades be vetoed? Who drafts first?

    –If you play fantasy sports, this is funny… if not, carry on.

  3. I’d like to draft LCMS Observer’s church. It’s got to be a hard core LCMS mega-church. 😉

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