We Need Some Levity – Check Out the Mega-Church Fantasy League

(We thank reader Jim Claybourn for passing this on to us.)

Why should fantasy leagues be limited to baseball and football. Now you can draft your own  team of  Mega-Church pastors and track their success.

FW: Invitation to Join the MEGA-CHURCH FANTASY LEAGUE

You have been invited to a fantasy draft party two weeks from now at the First Baptist parsonage.   Join other local pastors for fellowship, laughter, and casserole as we fill out our rosters for the upcoming Mega-Church Fantasy Season!  

I know we have some new faces this year so let me catch everyone up on the rules.   Each participant will select the three high-profile pastors (one from each category: Urban, Suburban, Bi-lingual) he feels will provide the best chance to dominate local churches and crush the competition.  Each week, league members will be paired with an ecclesiastical arch-rival to see whose “posse of pastors” is anointed and whose is culturally irrelevant.    

Points will be awarded each week based on your pastors’ performance in the following categories:

  1. New satellite locations
  2. Weekly book sales on Amazon.com and ChristianBooks.com
  3. Media appearances
  4. Church membership transfers from other local churches (keyword: Assimilation)
  5. Female elders
  6. Commissioning of short term mission teams
  7. Worship band playing secular music before and after the service
  8. Altar calls
  9. References to John and Kate Gosselin and/or recent New York Times articles
  10. Attendance at mid-week ministries

 

Points will be deducted for:

  1. Public scandal
  2. Encouraging personal holiness
  3. Church Staff member burnout
  4. Typographical errors in the bulletin
  5. Backsliding congregants
  6. Tacitly accepting heresy
  7. Failing to podcast sermons
  8. Failing to have a cafeteria, coffee shop, or mezzanine level
  9. Using a microphone with a wire
  10. Affiliating with a denomination

Your roster of pastors will be scored and their combined score will be used to compute your Church Growth Index (a complex formula based on national church averages, random spiritual assessment of congregants, and personal charisma).  The winner of each “Clerical Contest” will see the pew icon next to their team name get a little fuller.   The season will end in April on Palm Sunday.  At that time, the four league members with the most “people” in their “pew” will advance to the playoffs.

Throughout the church playoffs (a.k.a. Holy Week) the four remaining teams will be awarded points for each blog post, candlelight vigil, showing of The Passion, and mass baptism.   The person with the most points at the end of the week will be announced the winner and will be allowed to preach on Easter Sunday.  

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to challenge your peers and learn from the pros while enjoying a bit of God-ordained competition!   Trust me, this isn’t just another men’s breakfast.   This is the Ecumenical Fantasy League, or, as we  like to call it, the XFL.   Start researching your picks now and make sure you’re the last pastor standing!!

Check out this website for more information: http://thetalkingmirror.com/2009/09/fw-invitation-to-join-the-mega-church-fantasy-league/

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