Wild Boar Demands Apology for Jackalope Accusations, by Pr. Rossow
The Wild Boar has demanded an apology for my assertion that the Jackalope is a mythic character. The Wild Boar offers so called evidence of the existence of the beast. You can see it on his website and judge for yourself.
Now I figured that since he is a graduate of the “other seminary” I thought he would be demanding an apology for my comments about his former professors Wenthe and Voelz but no, he is raising the greater, higher critical question of the existence of the Jackalope.
I will not apologize. I may have crossed other lines but I have not crossed the Jackalope Rubicon nor swum the Jackalope Tiber. I firmly believe there is no JackAlope. In contrast I do believe the water actually turned to blood during the plagues on Egypt. (Check your new Lutheran Study Bible notes for a surprising error on this matter. Other than this we heartily endorse the new study Bible.)
Let’s stop beating around the sagebrush. The real question is “To what extent is the slow but steady extinction of belief in the JackAlope a metaphor for the slow but steady loss of members, missionaries, and dollars in President Kieschnick’s LCMS?” If only President Kieschnick would realize that the Church Growth Movement’s claims to grow churches by transforming them are just as mythic as the existence of the Jackalope.
The jackalope:Kieschnick:CGM metaphor is a good one, except for, of course, the jackalope lives! “I seen it!” But you’re right about the Egyptian water turning to blood Pastor Rossow. And that’s much harder to believe than a little ‘ole jackalope thundering across the prairie. At one time they blackened the landscape as far as the eye could see, sorta like the bison except easier to clean.
Diekmann,
How do you clean a jackalope? Do you de-gut it first? Are the intestines more like the the jack rabbit or the antelope?
Now I am beginning to think all those antlers in Jackson Hole are jackalope antlers. Any of our Jackson Hole readers care to comment?
TR
There’s a couple of different ways to clean a jackalope. You can split him right up the middle with your bowie knife, but you gotta be careful not to knick his guts, cuz that smells real bad. You can also do it like my cousin does it, altho its kinda gross. The first thing he does is squeeze his insides out his back end, which works real nice. (Sorry ladies, but he asked.) Good eatin’ too.
Those Jackson Hole antlers there in the center of town is antlers from the now extinct giant Irish deer. They imported some of ‘em around the time of the Civil War, but they all got killed off, with all that shootin’ goin’ on. Them deer wuzn’t too bright, like the dodo bird I guess.
I doubt that Scott has seen a Jackalpope outside of a cultural delusion brought on perhaps by the hysteria of seeing the “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” cartoon a few too many times. If Scott has truly seen a Jackalope then he should produce some physical evidence and Rabbit droppings will not do the trick. Perhaps he could provide photographic evidence such as produced by some ancient knights of one killer rabbit in his lair? Until such a time I think one can’t accept this “Jackalope” myth and must fie it with fictional “Bigfoot” sightings and UFO sightings.
To all,
One of the last remaining limitations on the BJS site is that we can’t post photos, but rest assured I’ve just sent Mr. Pierce a photo of a live jackalope (at least he was alive that day), along with this message:
“Attached is the pic of my cousin pointing at a jackalope on our way home from church! We didn’t get that one because we couldn’t get the rifle out of the rack in the truck quick enough. They’re fast little critters.”
What more can a person do? Oh ye of little faith! Plus, the jackalope is not a “killer rabbit.” For that you’ll have to watch Monty Python.
Oh ye of such little faith – see if I ever invite you snipe hunting.
Been there, seen that. Jackalopes live.
Yes, Scott did send me a picture and let me see if I can open it here…
If the image doesn’t open it can be viewed by clicking here.
I think anyone will agree with me that the picture is far too blurry. Besides, isn’t that a zipper starting under the left ear? Yes. I think it is.
Pr. Rossow,
Perhaps you could make up for the offense given to Wild Boar and Scott Diekmann by inviting them to your childhood home in Iowa. There you could lead them on an Iowa style snipe hunt or treat them to an exciting evening of cow tipping.
A pheasant hunt maybe. Being a Cornhusker, going all the way to Iowa for a snipe hunt or cow tipping just isn’t that appealing. Maybe if he’d throw in some chocolate…
That is no head I want on my wall!!! ooooo ugly. And big, with pointy teeth, sharp pointy teeth. Wait, wrong rabbit.
You poor deluded people. The jackelope lives! It is easier to believe in it than to believe in evolution! It is easier to believe in it than to believe the Blue Ribbon Report. Just wait, when we all get to heaven the jackelope will be there waiting for us!
One thing I know for sure–silly gooses are alive and well! (giggle)
I am now demanding an apology from Elaine on behalf of Wild Boar for calling him a “silly goose.” (Can I do that?)
TR
I am unrepentant. Sorry. I mean NOT sorry. About being unrepentant. Whatever. (satisfied smirk)
I stand with Rossow on this one. For years and years I was lied to about the Jackelope. All my hopes and trusts and dreams were put in the beauty and glory of this creature that I might one day see. When I learned that it was a hoax, because sites such as this one are dedicated to the truth, I came crashing down. I didn’t know who to trust or where to turn. Was there anything true? Anything sacred? If even this, most wonderful of all creatures, was a flagrant lie, then in what could I put my hope. I was on the verge of bankrupt nihilism, all because of the greedy, heretical liars who had deceived me with their teachings on the blessed jackelope.
Now I have dedicated my life to exposing this false and most wrong error. There is no jackelope. Fie on the jackelope! Fie! Fie! Fie!
XD
Preach it brother Fisk!
I can’t believe that you Yanks are arguing about such an incontrovertible truth! Of course the Jackalope is real! I have not had the pleasure of seeing the Western American version of the species, but here in Canada, the Spotted Snowy Jackalope is quite prominent in the northern areas.
mmmmmmmmmm JackAlope.
Tastes like chicken and squirrel only more game like.
Makes good gravy too.
Clean, skin and halve JackAlope. Put in pan of water with salt.
Let soak for 15 minutes.
Remove dry off water with a clean cloth.
Roll in flour seasoned with salt & pepper. I add a little red pepper (to put the kick back in it)Pre-heat iron skillet (not one of those pansey non-stick things) with bacon grease.
When the grease starts really sizzle slap that JackAlope in and cook till browned.
Remove JackAlope and add flour to drippin’s. stir till thickened.
Pour gravy over JackAlope. Best served over mashed potatoes or with sweet potatoes on the side.
YUM!
Next week, if your lucky, I’ll share Grandma Hooss’ stuffed JackAlope with apples and raisins.
John
Goodness! Sounds like John Hoos’ “jackalope” is about as big as a spring chicken on July 4th. Either that or he’s got Paul Bunyan’s frying pan?
They’re reputed to run BIG down in Texas! (Of course, that may be to compensate for deer that are [in fact] half as big as the ones up there in cold weather.)
Jackalope? That’s no fun.
You haven’t lived until you’ve been to “Whiskey in the Jar” in Hamtramck, MI and have had a drink with the Ratalope.
It is a bar in a house right behind the statue of Pope John Paul II.
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=72975744&albumID=0&imageID=19692267
That’s one big ratalope – a mean sight bigger’n the one me and my brother seen when we wuz huntin’ for possum down in Arkansaw that one year.
All y’all are making me hungry! Especially John!
I’m going to have to make up a batch of venison stew this weekend.
Tonight though, I’m invited out for wings.
Shhhh! Be very, very quiet. We’re hunting JackAlope!